


Cousin Who?

by RockSunner



Series: Lebam AU [4]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Friendship, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-03-01 04:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2759639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSunner/pseuds/RockSunner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Pine twins find out a secret about their family history: Pacifica is their cousin! Adopted with permission from ~WendyCorduroy353.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our Northwest American Cousin

**Dipper**

"BLAARRG!"

I was sitting on my messily-made bed, reading _The Sibling Brothers And The Case Of The Caper-Case-Caper_ , when Mabel walked in, stomping her feet angrily on the cracked floor and mumbling to herself.

"What's wrong, Sis?" I put my book down and went to her side.

"Pacifica..." She sneered.

"Ah. What did she say this time?"

Mabel sat down, with a hard thump on the floor. "She said I'm weird and stupid and my whole family is messed up." She stared at the floor.

I realized when it had happened. Mabel had just gone onstage with Pacifica for the Pioneer Day opening ceremony, when Grunkle Stan ran up and demanded we help him push his car out of the mud. He was going to ask Steve the auto mechanic for help, but then he realized that the man was dressed for Pioneer Day and he would pretend cars didn't exist. So would everyone else; Mabel and I were the only ones he could get. So Pacifica must have turned off her microphone and whispered rude things to Mabel right before she left the stage. After we pushed Grunkle Stan's car out of the mud, Mabel suddenly decided she had enough of Pioneer Day and we both went home with Grunkle Stan. Now I knew why.

"Oh, Mabel..." I sighed as I sat down next to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

Stan came up the stairs, I knew because they creak a lot. "What's going on, Mabel?" Stan asked, looking concerned.

"Pacifica..." Mabel sneered again.

"I can't believe someone like that is actually related to you..." Stan said.

"WHAT?!" Mabel shrieked, standing up. I stood with her.

"Your parents never told you? Pacifica is your cousin," Stan explained.

"Oh no, Oh no, My worst enemy is my cousin," Mabel paced back and forth. "Oh no, Oh no, where's my grappling hook?"

Mabel started searching for her grappling hook.

"Mabel, calm down! We already knew Mom had a sister, Auntie Holly, remember?" I told her.

"Yeah, but I didn't know she had a daughter. Let alone Pacifica..." Mabel said, again sneering the rich girl's name.

I thought for a moment when an unanswered question popped into my mind.

"Do you think Pacifica knows?" I wondered aloud.

"Probably not, since she's always being mean to me."

Mabel had been having problems with Pacifica a lot in the past few weeks. An idea grew in my mind... If Pacifica knew we were cousins... Maybe she'd leave Mabel alone!

"Gotta go, Mabes! Be back by dinner!"

(10 minutes later)

"WHAAT?!" I had rode in the mystery cart (A golf cart) over to the Northwest household and explained the situation to Pacifica. She was currently freaking out.

"Oh no, Oh no, My worst enemy is my cousin," Pacifica paced back and forth in her carpeted, fully furnished living room. "Oh no, Oh no, Where's my eye shadow?"

Pacifica started searching for her eye shadow. Suddenly, she stopped and stared, slowly turning her head to face me. "Does that mean... You... are..."

I nodded.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Pacifica shrieked, flailing her arms wildly.

I covered my ears. Pacifica started breathing heavily, trying to catch her breath from screaming so loud.

"Are you o-"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Pacifica interrupted. "I WANT A DNA TEST!" She screamed.

* * *

"I can verify that we indeed need a hair sample from you both." The doctor said.

Pacifica and I were now at the hospital, trying to get a DNA test.

"No way! You will never get my hair!" Pacifica said, stomping her feet.

Just then, Mabel burst through the door. "I'm on it!" she said, holding her grappling hook.

"How did you get that through security?" I asked her.

"Hey! You come back here, girl! Weapons aren't allowed!" A man's voice said.

Mabel closed the door. "ONWARDS AOSHIMA!" Mabel screamed as she fired the grappling hook at Pacifica's head.

"OW!" Pacifica screamed.

Mabel pressed a button on it and the hook pulled back into place, along with a lock of Pacifica's hair. And an earring.

"How am I related to that!?" She motioned to Mabel.

"HEY!" Mabel said.

"You can't put lip gloss on a pig and think it's pretty, hon," Pacifica said.

I thought I should stay out of it; Mabel has watched enough soap operas she can handle it.

"Well, I think a pig would be very pretty with lip gloss on!" Mabel countered as she handed Pacifica's hair to the doctor.

"You and that girl are twins, right?" The doctor asked me.

"Yes," I answered.

"I need another sample, yours will work."

I took off my hat and he clipped off a piece of my hair and started working.

Mabel and Pacifica were still shouting insults at each other.

Pacifica ripped Mabel's nacho earrings out. "These are just nachos!" Pacifica said.

Mabel grabbed Pacifica's hair and yanked it out. "Well this isn't even hair!" Mabel shouted.

"My extensions!"

"MABEL! PACIFICA!" I shouted at them.

"I can verify that you two are indeed related." The doctor said.

Everyone in the room went silent.

"Woah, awkward silence...BLAAAHHH!" Mabel said after five minutes.

"Mabel?" Pacifica asked.

"Yeah?" said Mabel.

"I'm sorry..." Pacifica sighed. "I... I always made fun of you... because... I was jealous."

Me and Mabel gasped in unison.

"I mean, people actually like you, because you're funny, silly, and being yourself... They only like me because I'm rich; no-one likes me, for me." Pacifica said.

"Aww, Pacifica... Here, have your hair back!" Mabel gave Pacifica her extensions.

"Awkward cousin hug?" Pacifica asked.

"Awkward cousin hug."

Then they said in unison as they hugged, "Pat, pat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter was started by ~WendyCorduroy353 on fanfiction.net and has been adopted by RockSunner with her permission. (I have just reformatted it a bit for my preferred style, with a paragraph per speaker). A small revision makes this an AU starting on Pioneer Day.


	2. All's Fair in Love and Time Travel

**Mabel**

When we got back home from the hospital (after I dodged the security guard again), Dipper got out his nerdy "3" book.

"It's good Cousin Pacifica made up with you. If that hadn't worked, I had a way to get back at her."

"Oh, what was it?" I asked.

"I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before," Dipper said.

He opened the book and read in a funny old-timer voice: "In my investigations..." He stopped and said in his normal voice, "Should- should I do the voice?"

I shook my head.

"I'll just read... normal," Dipper said. "In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the founder of Gravity Falls! I believe the proof of this secret is buried somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code."

"No, we're not digging into that, Dipstick," I said. "Pacifica's part of our family now. Anything that embarrasses her family embarrasses our family, right?"

"I guess," said Dipper. "But look at this paper. It would make a great mystery to solve together."

I snatched the paper from him. "It would make a great paper hat!"

I folded the paper into a hat and stuck it on my head. When Dipper started to stare at it curiously, I took it off my head and stuck it under my mattress before he could get a good look. Case closed.

* * *

A few days later was the Mystery Shack Fair. I had bought myself two large cotton candies to start my sugar rush, when I saw Dipper staring all mushy-eyed after Wendy.

I heard Dipper whisper, "... I love you!"

"Look at you two! Getting all romantic at the fair!" I said.

"Come on, it's no big deal."

"Yeah, it is!"

"Okay, you're right, it is!" said Dipper. "Isn't this amazing? I just dove in! I said, 'Hey! You wanna hang out at the fair?' And you know what she said?" He paused for a second, remembering. "'Yeah, I guess so!' It totally worked! All your advice about just going for it, it's finally paying off!"

"When are you gonna learn, Dipper? I'm always right about everything! Hey, do you smell a gallon of body spray?" I said.

Robbie walked up, "Hey, have either of you dorks seen Wendy around?"

"Who wants to know?" asked Dipper.

Robbie took some of my cotton candy, and I said, "Hey!"

"Yeah, I got some new super tight jeans," said Robbie. Thought she might want to check 'em out."

Dipper said, "Yeah! You know, I think I saw her in the Bottomless Pit. You should really go jump in there."

"Maybe I will, smart guy," said Robbie, bumping into Dipper as he left.

"He is such a jerk," I said.

"Yeah, but he's a jerk with tight pants and a guitar. I need to keep him away from Wendy at all costs," said Dipper.

"Don't worry, brother. Whatever happens, I'll be right here, supporting you every step of the..."

Then I saw the sign: "Win a Pig" and everything else left my mind.

"OH MY GOSH A PIG!" I yelled as I ran for the pig pen.

"If'n you can guess the critter's weight, you can take the critter home!" said the carny.

I looked over the pen, and there I saw him, with his adorable black eyes looking tenderly at me. Love at first sight.

"Oooi ooel," said the pig.

I gasped, "He said 'Mabel'! Either that or 'doorbell'. Did you say 'Mabel' or 'doorbell'?"

"Oooi ooel"

"Oooooooh!" He said my name!

Just then Cousin Pacifica came by with her friends.

"Look Pacifica, Mabel's found her real twin," said one of the friends.

"Lay off her," said Pacifica. "She's my cousin."

"Oh, oh sorry, Pacifica," said the friend.

I smiled at the new Pacifica. Then I turned back to the carny. "Sir, I must have that pig!"

The carny said, "Ah, old 15-Poundie! So, how much you guessin' he weighs?"

I said, "Um, 15 pounds?"

The carny said, "Are you some kind of witch? Well, here's your pig."

He tried to give me a knife and fork too, but I just glared at him.

"Everything is different now," I whispered as I hugged my pig.

I went and found my brother holding a broken bag of ice.

"Look, Dipper! I won my pet pig! His name is Waddles. I call him that because he waddles! Waaaaaaaa-ddles!"

"Everything is different now," said Dipper.

"What are you lookin' at?" I said.

Dipper pointed at Robbie and Wendy getting on a ride called the "Tunnel of Love and Corn-dogs."

I said, "Oooh..."

* * *

That evening, when the fair was nearly over, I saw Dipper flat on his back in a Slopey Toss game. He needed cheering up bad, so I put a doctor costume on Waddles.

I said, "Paging, Dr. Waddles, we got a boy here with a broken heart. Haha! Come on, man. These are the jokes."

"Mabel, do you ever wish you could go back and undo just one mistake?" asked Dipper.

I said, "Nope! I do everything right, all the time!"

I played with Waddles while Dipper ranted about what went wrong. I wasn't paying much attention until Dipper yelled, "...That guy! Hey, you! Toolbelt! You ruined my life!"

Dipper walked over to a strange-looking bald man in a jumpsuit, wearing goggles. I followed.

"Don't hand me. I've seen you before, what's your deal? Are you following us?" asked Dipper.

"And why are you bald? What's that all about?" I asked.

The man said, "AAAAAGH! My position has been compromised! Assuming stealth mode!"

He played with his watch and his jumpsuit turned all weird colors. "Color match! Initiating color match! Come on, dang it!"

"That's amazing! Aah! Are you from the future or something?" I asked.

The man said, "Uh, NO! Who told you that?! MEMORY WIPE!"

He threw a wipe at my face. I pulled it off and said, "This is a baby wipe."

"All right, you've cornered me. I'm... a time traveler."

"So wait a minute, if you're from the future, do you have like a time machine, or something?" asked Dipper,

"That's... kinda how it works," said the time traveler.

* * *

Later that evening, Dipper and I had managed to steal the guy's measuring-tape time machine and we were sitting at the living-room table.

"Here it is, Mabel. Our ticket to any moment in history," said Dipper.

I said, "Let's go get two dodos and force them to make out!" It was a super good cause: extinction prevention.

"No!" said Dipper. "We gotta be smart about this. All that paradox talk kinda freaked me out. All I'm gonna do is go back and fix my one mistake. If I don't miss that baseball throw, I won't hit Wendy in the eye, and Robbie won't comfort her, and they won't start going out."

"I'm coming, too!" I said. "I wanna relive the greatest moment in my life: winning Waddles." I kissed my pig.

We prepared to use the time machine.

Dipper said, "See you later."

I said, "See you earlier! Yuk yuk yuk!"

* * *

Grunkle Stan said, "It's 12 o'clock! The dunk tank is now open! Step right up and dunk me, folks! I'm talking to you, Cut-offs!"

Dipper said, "Do-over?"

I said, "Do over!"

The carny said, "If'n you can guess the..."

I picked up Waddles. "15 POUNDS! And yes, I am a witch!"

I bought Waddles a caramel apple and went back to Dipper.

Dipper said, "The exact same thing happened twice; it was spooky."

I said, "Ooh, maybe it's a time-curse. Waddles, can you say time-curse?"

Waddles said, "Ooim ouurse."

I held Waddles close, "Oooh! Your face is so fat!" I was over-the-moon happy.

Dipper said, "It is possible that the forces of time naturally conspire to undo any new out comes? No, I just need to try again. Third time's the charm!"

I said, "How hard could it be?"

We went back in time over and over. Each time I had fun re-winning Waddles. Each time Dipper hit Wendy in the eye and lost her to Robbie. I did different fun things with Waddles each time, like taking pictures in the photo booth, eating pizza, and riding the Ferris wheel and shouting, "I LOVE MY PIG!"

The next time, Dipper worked out a mathy-looking equation on the side of a popcorn machine.

"Face it, Dipper, you're obviously fated to have a bad day at the fair, just like I'm fated to be with Waddles," I said, holding up the Waddles sweater I just knitted.

Dipper said, "Like there's variable missing..."

I said, "What's a variable?"

He looked through the popcorn machine glass at me. "That's it! I've figured out to win the toss, not hit Wendy, and stop Wendy and Robbie from going out!"

"Awesome! I'm gonna go win my pig again," I said.

Dipper said, "Whoa whoa whoa, you can't leave, I need you for my plan!"

I said, "But what about Waddles?"

"It'll just take a few minutes, let's go!" said Dipper. He explained what I had to do.

From the roof of the Shack, I saw Dipper set up his amazing throw. At the right moment I lifted up a rain gutter to launch it just where Dipper wanted. He won the panda-duck for Wendy without hitting her, this time.

I came back down and Dipper gave me the thumbs up.

"Anytime, broseph. Now to win my pig. AAAH!" I said.

Over at the "Win A Pig" booth, the carny was handing the pig to Pacifica.

"It's all yours!" said the carny. "No one else's! Ol' 15-Poundie. Yours. Forever!"

Pacifica leashed up Waddles and started tugging him away. Waddles was squealing.

I ran to her, "Cousin Pacifica, what are you doing? That's my pig. I was going to win him!"

Pacifica nodded. "I saw you wanted him. Then you disappeared somewhere. So I won him for you, before someone else did. It was a cinch to guess his weight. They named him 15-Poundie. Can you believe it?"

Pacifica handed Waddle's leash to me. I squealed with joy and swept Waddles up into my arms.

"Pacifica Northwest, you are the sweetest, nicest, cousin in the world!" I said.

"Hey, I have a reputation for meanness to keep up," said Pacifica.

"You did something soooo wonderful for me," I said. "What can I do for you?"

"Invite me for dinner when you barbeque him?" asked Pacifica.

"Aaaagh!" I cried, holding Waddles away from her.

"Just kidding," said Pacifica.

"Don't worry, you have plenty of meanness left," I told her. "But I still love you."

I saw Dipper having fun at the fair with Wendy. It had turned out to be a perfect day for both of us, after all.

* * *

A little later I went into the house for my llama wool and knitted Pacifica a thank-you sweater. I changed into my own copy and went to find her, leaving Waddles in the bedroom.

"Here, Cousin Pacifica. I want you to have this," I said, holding up the sweater.

"I'm... not usually much for funny animals on clothes," said Pacifica.

"This is a serious animal. Llama's are nature's greatest fighters, according to my brother," I said.

"Well, I am a fighter," Pacifica said. She put the sweater on.

"See, they're facing different ways. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but deep down we're alike," I said.

"Really deep down..." said Pacifica.

Gompers the goat wandered by and his yellow horizontal eyes looked at Pacifica in her llama sweater.

I almost thought I heard a "Click."


	3. To be Queen Bee or Not to be Queen Bee

**Pacifica**

Mabel went off with her pig to show her brother.

My two posse members, Heather O'Leary and Heather McNally, showed up.

"Pacifica, what are you doing?" said Heather O'Leary.

"You can't sink to the level of a low-life commoner, even if she is your cousin," said Heather McNally.

"I saw you. You won a pig for her in a weight-guessing contest," said Heather O'Leary.

"Then you let her give you a cheesy friendship sweater with a funny animal on it," said Heather McNally, pointing to the sweater I was still wearing.

"I can do and wear what I like," I said.

"No, you can't," said Heather McNally. "You have an image to keep up."

"If you don't maintain high standards, we'll start following Heather Mulligan as our Queen Bee instead," said Heather O'Leary.

"You wouldn't dare," I said.

"We would," said Heather O'Leary.

"That girl, Mabel Pines, is a low-life goof," said Heather McNally. "Besides, she works for the sleaziest man in town, Mr. 'Slumford' Pines."

"He's my Cousin Mabel's great-uncle, which makes him my great-uncle by marriage," I said.

Just then, a group of actors in sci-fi convention costumes appeared out of nowhere. After some angry conversation I didn't catch, one of them shot a weapon on his wrist at the lever for the dunk tank where Mr. Pines had been baiting people all day. The lever broke and he fell in the water. Everyone laughed.

"You see?" I said. "Mr. Pines hired some actors to dunk him after everyone else failed. That shows he's a good sport. He's not as bad as people make him out to be."

"You're getting soft, Pacifica," said Heather O'Leary.

"We mean it about Heather Mulligan," said Heather McNally.

"Do what you like," I said. "I don't care."

They walked away, heads held high.

I did care, a bit. I was pushing away my partners in bullying, the life I was used to. All for the friendship of a goofy cousin and her brother who would be gone at the end of the summer, leaving me to face school at the bottom of the heap.

But when Mabel was so grateful I won her the pig, and she gave me a silly sweater, it was the first time in a long time that I was appreciated for doing something nice. My chest felt warm, and it wasn't just from wearing a fuzzy sweater on a hot day.

When school started I could claw my way back up to the top again if I had to. But for now, I was going to try the Mabel way.

I felt a prickle at the back of my neck, and when I turned I saw a girl whose hair from the back looked a lot like Mabel's, but it wasn't her; Mabel was on the other side of the yard with Dipper.

Oh well, nothing to worry about.


	4. Llamas Within Wheels

**Lebam**

I was watching from the sidelines, hidden behind a video game at the Arcade.

Dipper and Wendy were playing a game of Fight Fighters.

"Watch out! Wow! Ooh, cutscene!" said Dipper.

"DR. KARATE, YOU KILLED MY FATHER AGAIN!" said Rumble McSkirmish.

"HHNNGHHHH!" said Dr. Karate.

"YOU TAKE THAT BAAACKKKK!" said Rumble.

"Fight!" said the game referee.

Dipper and Wendy made their game figures kick and punch.

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Go! Go!" Dipper yelled as he won.

"K.O! The winner: Rumble Mcskirmish!" said the game ref.

"WINNERS DON'T LOSE!" said Rumble.

"What? You cheated," said Wendy.

"You take that baaackkkk!" said Dipper in a voice like Rumble's, and he laughed.

"Round 2!" said the game ref.

"I'm gonna punch the ref," said Wendy, and the game urged them to fight.

"Let's gang up on him," said Wendy, laughing.

Robbie came in and put up a flyer for his band, "Robbie V and the Tombstones."

Robbie said, "Wendy! What's up? Yeah, just putting up some flyers for my band. I'm playing lead guitar. No biggie."

"Are you wearing mascara?" Dipper asked.

"Uh, it's eye-paint for men," said Robbie.

"Hey Robbie, Dipper was just showing me this great game," said Wendy.

"Ha, yeah, sweet, sweet. Hey, how about you sit this one out, okay champ?" said Robbie.

"But, we just started this round," said Dipper.

"Woah, woah, hey! Relax man, I'm just trying to spend a little time with my... with Wendy, alright?"

"Dipper's right," said Wendy. "We just started this round. I'm going to keep playing with Dipper. It's not like I'm going out with you, Robbie."

Robbie glared at Dipper and started to leave the Arcade. I caught up with him. Mabel was out of sight somewhere else in the Arcade.

"Hi Mabel," said Robbie in a discouraged tone.

"Hi Robbie," I said. "In my opinion my brother needs to be taken down a peg. Here, take this code for ultimate power in the Fight Fighters game."

I handed him a piece of paper.

"You know the Konami codes for Fight Fighter?" asked Robbie.

"I suggest you practice it alone first," I said. "When nobody is watching."

"Thanks, Mabel," said Robbie, walking away more confidently.

I thought, "That ought to get Mabel in trouble with Dipper."

Ever since I had sent Mabel the anonymous text that told her to go to the warehouse to rescue Dipper, I had sensed that I was in trouble with Bill and Gompers, for being disloyal to my master, Gideon. I was born loving him. It may have been something the creation spell did to my mind, but I couldn't help myself. So when Gideon chose Mabel over me and wanted to remove Dipper as an obstacle, I had to do something; I had to try to save him.

Now they had replaced me on the Wheel with a new Llama. I was going to have to deal with Pacifica later. But first Mabel, to get back at her for destroying Gideon's amulet.

* * *

Later, I was following Mabel lead a blindfolded Grunkle Stan, keeping out of sight.

Mabel said, "Just a second, Grunkle Stan, I see a friend I want to talk to."

Stan said, "Sure, leave your Grunkle blindfolded on the sidewalk, on Great Uncle's day, no less."

Mabel walked over to Pacifica and spoke to her quietly. I could easily listen in with my llama hearing. (I have llama powers because of being created from Mabel's llama-hair sweater as well as a bit of her hair.)

"Hi Pacifica," said Mabel.

"Hi Mabel," said Pacifica. "Where's Waddles?"

"At home being the perfect pet pig," said Mabel. "I left him at home for this mission. I'm going to cure Grunkle Stan's fear of heights by leading him to the scenic cliff near Gideon's warehouse. Want to come along?"

"Sorry, Mabel," said Pacifica. "Randy Ottermole is getting a new car from his father today, and he promised me the first ride in it."

Pacifica's cell phone rang. "Hello, Randy? I'm downtown near the water tower. When are you coming by? What? A video game fighter destroyed your new car with his bare hands? That's the worst excuse I ever heard. If you don't want to go out with me, just say so."

She hung up on him.

Mabel said, "That may be my brother's doing. Robbie Vale came over this afternoon and challenged him to a fight over Wendy. He was going to hide, and then he got the video game fighter Rumble McSkirmish to be his bodyguard. That may be who destroyed your friend's car."

Pacifica said, "Stop being silly. I'm upset and it feels like you're teasing me."

Mabel said, "I didn't mean to. Sorry, Pacifica."

It was time to make my move. I went over to Grunkle Stan while they were distracted and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ok, Grunkle Stan. Let's finish our walk," I said.

I led him up the ladder to the top of the water tower, a much scarier place than Mabel had planned on.

"Take off your blindfold now!" I said.

Grunkle Stan took it off and stared at the ground far below. "Yeah, that was pretty much what I was expecting."

"You're doing better than I thought," I said. "Now let go of the hand-rail."

"No!" said Stan.

"Hey, do you smell anger, and hormones?" I asked. My llama senses were kicking in again.

Robbie came up the ladder, panting hard.

"Hey Robbie! Get your own water tower," I said.

"Keep it down, they'll find us!" said Robbie.

Rumble McSkirmish was below, looking for a way to bring his opponent to the ground. "You can hide, but you cannot hide!"

Rumble began punching the leg of the tower, making it sway.

"We're safe, right?" I asked. Mh natural llama height fearlessness was beginning to crumble.

"Of course not!" said Stan. "This thing is on stilts, high, high up!"

The tower continued to sway, Robbie fell off (only to be caught by Rumble), and Stan and I ran around like chickens.

Then Dr. Karate, the fighter Robbie had summoned to fight on his side, came up, and the fight moved elsewhere.

"HHNNGHHHH!" said Dr. Karate.

"YOU TAKE THAT BAAACKKKK!" said Rumble.

The tower finally steadied. I stood petrified beside Stan.

"I'm sorry, Grunkle Stan. I thought this would help, but I was wrong," I said. "So wrong!"

"I survived," said Stan. "I survived and I feel great! Wait, let me do a cocky dance, just to be sure."

He waggled his hips and made funny musical sounds.

"Ha! Deal with it, world. Stan Pines has cured his fear of heights!"

He went to the ladder. "Coming, kid?"

"Uh-uh," I said, standing frozen.

"What's the matter? You got a fear of heights now?"

I didn't answer, but turned my face away from the ladder.

"Oh-oh," said Stan. "Wait right there, I'll go for help."

He went down the ladder and headed down the street. He ran into Mabel and Pacifica.

"Mabel, you're all right!" he said.

"Yes, I'm fine, Grunkle Stan," said Mabel.

"Good. I'm over my fear of heights, but I was worried about you for a minute there," said Stan. "Let's go home."

"All right, Grunkle Stan," said Mabel. "See you later, Pacifica."

"Later," said Pacifica.

I looked down from the top of the water tower and shuddered. Now what was I going to do?


	5. Small Fry

**Dipper**

Mabel asked me, "Dipping-sauce, have you seen a double of me around?"

She was probably just being silly, but I gave her a straight answer, "I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"Stan said something funny about going up on the water tower with me," Mabel said. "I was going to lead him somewhere high-up, to cure his fear of heights, but not there. I never did, and he got over his fear by himself."

"What did he say?" I asked.

"That he was glad going up on the water tower with him didn't have any long-lasting effects, something like that," said Mabel. "I didn't say anything back because I was too surprised."

"You could have a doppelganger," I said. I got out journal "3" and looked up the pages. I read aloud: "Doppelgangers are shape-changers. Once they adopt the shape of a person they continue to look like that person until they kill them and take over their life."

"Blargh!" said Mabel. "I don't want a doppelganger. She wouldn't run my life as well as I do."

"I'll keep an eye out for you," I said. "I mean, for another you."

"Let's stick close together for a while," Mabel suggested. "Why don't we do a tournament of games?"

"Games?" I asked.

"Yeah, you got hurt in that fight with Robbie and the video game characters, right?" Mabel asked.

"Bruised a little, is all," I said.

That wasn't true. I was hurting pretty badly but I didn't want to admit it. Robbie and I had fought over Wendy, and between Rumble McSkimish, Dr. Karate, and Robbie I got banged up a lot. But then Wendy came back from camping with her family and said she didn't like guys fighting over her, so now Robbie and I just hate each other from a distance.

"Well, until you heal and can do fun stuff like rolling down hills and climbing trees to get owls to mate, let's do some sit-down games like chess and checkers," said Mabel.

"Just the two of us?" I asked.

"I was thinking of inviting Cousin Pacifica, too,": Mabel said. "That way, if you always win, I'll only lose half as much and I won't feel so bad."

"You really like her now, don't you?" I asked.

"Not all the time. She can be a terror, but she saved Waddles for me at the fair," said Mabel. "That covers a lot of faults."

* * *

Pacifica came over and we started a checkers tournament. I won all the games, of course; I'm just smarter at games. Mabel kept suggesting silly rule variations like "peaceful co-existence" checkers where she set up her pieces on the black squares while I set up on the red, but I held her to the rules and kept winning. Pacifica played against me once, then decided she would just sit back and watch.

While we were playing, Mabel asked, "Cousin Pacifica... do you think I have a double?"

"You mean, do I think it's possible to duplicate a human being?" Pacifica said.

"Yes," said Mabel.

"It's possible," said Pacifica, giving me an intent look. "Remember when we competed at the dance party?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry we started off on such a bad foot," said Mabel.

"You were doing well dancing and singing, and I was jealous. I went out past the bathroom to regroup, and I saw Dipper coming out of a room with a bunch of copies of himself. I hid around a corner and he didn't see me."

She pointed at me, "Right, Dipper?"

"I... you saw me?" I stammered. "It was a weird old copier Grunkle Stan fixed up. We discovered it could make copies of human beings."

"Why did you copy yourself?" Pacifica asked.

"I, umm..." I started.

"He thought it would help him ask Wendy to dance," Mabel cut in. "I told you to just ask her, you goofus."

I blushed. "Don't tell everyone that!"

"She's our cousin, so it's all right," said Mabel.

"I won't tell," said Pacifica. "I'll blackmail you about it, though."

"I don't think so," I said. "Because you made a copy yourself."

"I... How did you know?" asked Pacifica.

"I saw you on the dance floor, and a minute later a pale, angry version of you came out of the bathroom right in front of me," I said. "Wendy and I were right at the door. There was no way you could get in without us seeing you."

"All right, I admit it," said Pacifica. "After I saw you come out with the copies, I went into that office myself. I had to try it for myself. I thought maybe a second copy could help me somehow to drum up votes and win. Terrible idea. Her color was so faded. I told her she was colorless and could never act as a helper to me. She got mad and hid in the bathroom. I went back to the party. I never saw what she did after that."

"Pacifica, that was mean," said Mabel. "I wonder where your copy is now?"

"Copier clones don't last long," I said. "She didn't know about how they dissolve in liquids, so she probably drank something by now and dissolved herself."

"Eeek!" said Pacifica. "I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not a copy of me."

"Maybe she met up with my 3 and 4 in the woods," I said, to make Mabel and Pacifica feel better. "They never came back from an errand I sent them on. They could have told her about the dangers of water, and maybe they're all safe somewhere dry." 

* * *

We continued the tournament for a few more days, moving on from checkers to chess, then worked our way up to ping-pong and croquet as I started feeling better. I creamed them in every game.

Soos was working nearby as we went back to chess, inside the gift shop. He asked Mabel to get something off a shelf for him, saying she was one millimeter taller than me. Unfortunately, Mabel and Pacifica were feeling so put down by all the losses that they got back at me with short jokes, and then Grunkle Stan joined in.

I retreated to my bedroom to consult the Journal for height-altering answers. I found a page that led me to a place in the woods where there were crystals that could make things grow or shrink, depending on which side the light shone through. I braved the dangers of that place (getting away with only a bite from a tiny mountain lion on my thumb), and I made a size-altering flashlight and used it to gain height on Mabel.

First I just equalized our heights, but that wasn't enough. Mabel still claimed to be the "alpha twin," so I grew even more.

"What happened?" Mabel asked when she and Pacifica entered the bedroom and found out how tall I was.

"You know, puberty and stuff," I said.

"It doesn't make any sense. Just a second ago you were- wait a minute! This is some kinda magicky thing. Isn't it? Was it a wizard or something? There's a wizard in this closet, isn't there? Isn't there!?"

"What? No!" I said.

Mabel said, "You're telling me that there is not a wizard in this closet. You're telling me that if I open this door right now-"

I said, "Fine! Open it!"

Mabel opened the closet door and found nothing. "An invisible wizard! REALLY Dipper?"

Pacifica protested, "Mabel, there's no wizard in there. But he did use some trick, like the copier. There's no way he could have just grown that much."

I finally admitted it was a magic flashlight, and we started to fight over it.

As we left the room, Mabel called to the "invisible wizard", "I'll be back for you later."

In the yard, the battle continued, with each growing or shrinking parts of each other, until the flashlight ended up in the hands of Gideon Gleeful. He shrunk us all and put us in a glass jar. 

* * *

Gideon took the jar home and shook us all out on his desk, where he had made a small model of the Mystery Shack using popsicle sticks.

"What are you going to do with us?" asked Mabel.

Gideon laughed "Why Mabel, I wouldn't hurt a hair on your itty-bitty head - if you agree to be my queen!"

"We live in a democracy!" said Mabel. "And never!"

"Maybe you'll change your mind after THIS!" said Gideon, picking Mabel up.

Mabel said, "No! I will fight you until the day I..."

Gideon put her inside a bag of candy.

Mabel said, "Gummy Koalas! Mmm!" She started in on a green one.

"What about me?" asked Pacifica.

"You're parents are rich," said Gideon. "I'll just hold you for ransom."

"As for you, boy," said Gideon, turning a bright lamp on me. "Tell me, how exactly did you come upon this magic item? Hmm? Did somebody tell you about it? Did you... READ about it somewhere?"

"Lean closer and I'll tell you!" I said.

When Gideon leaned in, I set off an air horn in his ear.

Gideon got so angry he nearly squashed us, but instead he said, "Steel yourself, Gideon... You can use them. You can use them..."

Gideon tried to ransom Mabel and I for the Mystery Shack to Stan over the phone. Stan didn't believe him, and hung up when Gideon said he would text him a photo. Then Gideon came to the realization that the shrinking ray could be a weapon, that he could shrink Stan and take the shack without any need for ransom.

He was interrupted by the arrival of the ice cream truck. He was going to leave his hamster, Cheekums, to guard us, but he had a better idea.

"Lebam, come out," he said. "Guard my prisoners until I come back."

The wardrobe door opened and a giant-sized (to us) copy of Mabel came out.

"A doppelganger!" I yelled.

"Yes," said Gideon. "This is my magical mirror doppelganger of Mabel. She does whatever I tell her, so you'd better be good. Ta-ta, ice cream and then victory over Stanford Pines awaits."

He left the room, giggling.

"Who and what are you?" Pacifica called up to Lebam.

"Like my master Gideon said, I'm a mirror duplicate of Mabel," said Lebam.

"If you're like me, you have to let us go," said Mabel. "Please don't take over my life."

"I'm just like you except for one little thing," said Lebam. "I love Gideon."

"What? How could you love him?" asked Mabel.

"I can't help it," said Lebam. "I was made that way."

"Let us go and you can have him," I said. "You deserve each other."

"I wish it were that simple," said Lebam. "He loves you, Mabel. He thinks I'm second best."

Pacifica said, "You could let me go... I'm not your rival."

Lebam gave a terrible cracked laugh. "You're my worst rival of all, Pacifica. I could tolerate Mabel having Gideon for a little while, if I could be with him forever after that. But you've stolen my place on the Wheel. You're the one who gets him forever now."

"You... you're insane!" said Pacifica. "I don't want Gideon."

"What you want and what you'll get are two different things," said Lebam.

"What are you talking about, the Wheel?" I asked.

"I shouldn't have said that," said Lebam. "But it doesn't matter now. I know what I have to do. You tried to escape and I had to destroy you all."

She shook Mabel out of her bag of Gummy Koalas.

"Please don't knock us off the table," I said, trying a "briar patch" ruse. "The fall would kill us. It would be like falling fifty feet for us."

Lebam shuddered at the mention of heights, but she fell for it. With one arm she swept us all off the table.

What she didn't realize was that, since we were shrunk, we were proportionally lighter. A fall from that distance wouldn't do us much harm, and it would give us a chance to run.

I hit the ground rolling, as I had learned from my leaping training with the Manotaurs. Mabel took her fall well also, as I knew she would from her kickboxing lessons.

Even Pacifica rolled to her feet. "Parkour classes," she said.

"Good. Now run!" I told them.

We ran for the door and down the hall. When we reached the stairs we jumped down them one at a time.

Lebam came after us, but when she reached the stairs she froze. "Heights! I can't... I just can't..."

The three of us managed to sneak out of the house through a doggie door, and we used a flying discount dollar balloon to fly back to the Mystery Shack just as Gideon arrived by bus.

"I wish we had one of those Gummy Koalas," said Mabel. "I could distract him by dropping a piece of one in his hair."

We couldn't find anything to use before Gideon went inside. We were down to the porch when Gideon came out again, carrying a jar with both Soos and Grunkle Stan inside.

Now what were we going to do?


	6. Small Free

_We couldn't find anything to use before Gideon went inside. We were down to the porch when Gideon came out again, carrying a jar with both Soos and Grunkle Stan inside._

_Now what were we going to do?_

**Pacifica**

"We've got time to do something," Mabel said. "Gideon came by bus, so he has to wait at least half an hour before the next one arrives."

"Good point, Sis," said Dipper. "I should have thought of that. The bus schedule's so much of our daily lives that I ought to have it memorized by now."

"I have an idea," I said. "I see an old piece of string from a kid's yo-yo over there on the ground. Let's get it."

We clipped off a good length of string with Dipper's scissors from his Swiss army knife.

"Now we carry this to Gideon. We're so small we can sneak up on him," I said. "He doesn't know we escaped Lebam, so he won't be expecting it."

We walked across the yard carrying the string and got behind Gideon. He was carrying the flashlight in his left hand and the glass jar in his right.

"What are we going to do with this?" asked Dipper. "Tie his shoes together so he trips?"

"We could, but I have a better idea," I said. "I've had lasso training for Pioneer Day."

I made the rope into a lasso and spun it around for a toss. I would only have one chance. If he noticed me...

"Once Ah make you give me the deed, Ah'll take over the Mystery Shack!" Gideon boasted to Grunkle Stan.

"And how do you expect to make me do that?" Stan asked defiantly from inside the jar.

"Mebbe Ah'll smash your grand nephew if you don't," said Gideon. "Ah've got him as a prisoner in mah bedroom."

I threw the lasso and snagged the "on" switch of the flashlight. Dipper, Mabel, and I all pulled and we turned it on. It shone down on Gideon's left leg, shrinking it. He lost his balance and toppled over, dropping the jar. It smashed on a rock and released Stan and Soos, who rushed over and helped us turn the shrinking ray on the rest of Gideon, reducing him to our scale. Then we shut off the flashlight. Soos and Stan held Gideon while we reversed the beam and got everyone back to regular size, except Gideon.

"What ya gonna do with li'l old me?" Gideon asked.

"Yeah, what'll we do with this little jerk?" asked Stan, holding up Gideon by pinching the back of his white tailored suit.

"Like, the jar we were in was smashed but I have another one back at the Shack," said Soos. "I can take him back to his house and enlarge him there."

Soos ran to get the jar.

"Better tie him up first, so he doesn't run in and tell his parents while Soos is still there," I said.

I took the string, and wound and knotted it around Gideon so he was bound hand and foot.

"Ah'll get ya for this, Pacifica," said Gideon.

"I'm so worried," I said.

Soos came back with the jar. He opened it, dropped the bound Gideon into it, and put it in his pocket.

"Something stinks in here," said Gideon from the pocketed jar.

"Sorry dude, the only jar I could find is the one I put a smashed barf fairy in," Soos said. "I tried to wipe it all out, but you know how it goes – there's always a little juice left at the bottom. You'll be fine as long as you haven't eaten anything sweet recently."

"Oh no! I just ate a pint of ice cream," said Gideon. Loud retching noises came from the jar.

"I guess the juice has soaked into your clothes and skin by now, dude. It's really hard to get off the stink: try bathing in tomato juice a few times. And better not eat any sweets for a week," said Soos.

"How do you know all that about barf fairies, Soos?" Mabel asked.

"Personal experience, Mabel. Bitter personal experience," said Soos.

"A week with no ice cream! Ah'll kill y'all!" said Gideon. More retching.

"Shall I take him back using the Mystery Cart, Mr. Pines?" Soos asked.

"Take the bus," Stan said. "I need the cart to deal with the mess he made of our Mirror Maze."

"I hope you don't mind waiting in there a half an hour for the next bus," Dipper said.

Gideon groaned and retched. "Of course Ah mind."

"Serves you right for how you treated us," Mabel said.

I had to agree.

* * *

After Soos took Gideon on the bus, Dipper said, "Now you have to agree that there are supernatural things going on in Gravity Falls, Grunkle Stan."

Stan acted like he was waking up.

"Huh? What happened? I can't remember anything," he said.

I know he was faking, but we can't prove it. Anyway, he'll give us an alibi if Gideon tries to get us in trouble. If he even dares – he's got a lot to hide, too.

"It's been wild hanging around with you guys," I told Dipper and Mabel. "Weird things are always happening. I'm going home now before anything worse happens."

"That's our life," said Dipper. "Better get used to it."

"Come over again soon, Cousin Pacifica," said Mabel, giving me a hug.

"I will, for Summerween," I told them.


	7. Summerween Don't Mean a Thing (But Uh-Oh Those Summer Nights)

**Dipper**

I was going trick-or-treating for Summerween with Mabel, and we had bought twin costumes (a peanut butter jar for me, a jelly jar for her).

Mabel said, "I'm so excited!"

"We're gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy..." I said.

"And have the biggest stomachaches ever!" Mabel said, as we high-fived each other.

Soos was sitting in the living room with us, wearing a masked superhero costume (I think it was the Blue Partridge).

"Dudes, I've never seen you guys so pumped," Soos said.

"Well, back at home, me and Dipper were kind of the kings of Trick or Treating," said Mabel, showing off our costume scrapbook. "Twins in costumes, the people eat it up."

"Mabel's friends and Cousin Pacifica are coming over, too," I said. "We're going to show them how it's done."

"Well, you dudes better be careful out there," said Soos. "It's a night of ghouls and goblins. Not to mention... the Summerween Trickster!"

Soos turned off the lights and lit up his face from below with a flashlight for a spooky effect.

Mabel said, "The Summer-what what-what?"

"The Trickster goes door to door, so the legend goes, eating children who lack the Summerween spirit."

"Well, you don't have to worry about us," I said. I dipped into the bowl of candy Soos was holding, and popped a piece into my mouth. "We've got spirit to go around."

Then I choked and spit out the candy, because it tasted like dirt.

"Ugh! What is this stuff?" I said, "I've never even heard of these brands. Sand Pop? Gummy chairs? Mr. Adequate-Bar?"

Mabel said, "This is all cheap-o loser candy!"

Soos said, "Quiet your discontent, children, lest the Trickster overhear."

"You cape is caught in your fly, Soos," I said.

"Touche..." said Soos.

"Goodbye loser candy!" I said, and tossed some of the candy out the kitchen window into the trash. (Little did I know what horror I was provoking).

Just then the doorbell rang.

Grunkle Stan called, "Trick-or-treaters. Quick! Give 'em that terrible candy."

I started to say, "Happy Summerween!" but I broke off in a gasp and nearly dropped the candy.

It was Wendy in a party dress.

Wendy said, "Hey Dipper!"

I said, "Wendy! Ha ha! Wha-What's up?"

I tried to usher her in, but I was so flustered I bumped into the stairs.

Wendy said, "I left my jacket here. Again."

I was trying hard not to stare at her. She was so beautiful dressed up.

Wendy said, "What's with the candy? Has Stan got you serving the trick-or-treaters this year?"

I said, "Well actually I, uh-"

"Aren't you glad you're past that silly age where you go trick-or-treating?" asked Wendy.

I said, "Uh, yeah. Trick-or-treating is for babies. I guess."

I hid the costume scrapbook I was carrying behind my back.

Wendy said, "You should come to this party. Tambry's parents are out of town, and it's gonna be off the chain."

She handed me a flyer that Tambry had printed up. "It's at 9! Don't forget!"

She left, saying, "See you at the party!"

"Heh-heh, yeah, see you at the party," I said to her.

"How am I gonna tell Mabel?" I said to myself.

* * *

Cousin Pacifica arrived a few minutes later, driven by her chauffeur. She was wearing a vampire costume with pale white face makeup.

"Hi Pacifica. Nice costume," I said.

"Thanks," Pacifica said. "I'm here to tell you in person that I can't come trick-or-treating with you and Mabel. My parents are making me help them host a big Summerween bash at the mansion."

"Oh, sorry to hear that," I said. "A lot of people would rather do parties these days."

She pushed inside past me. "Actually, I am coming with you; I have a plan."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Is that copy machine of yours still working?" Pacifica asked.

"Yeah, as far as I know," I said. "Why?"

"I'm going to send a copy of myself home with the chauffeur to host the party for me, while I have a blast with you guys instead."

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" I asked.

"Of course it is; you've done it yourself when you wanted to be in two places at once."

"It didn't work out so well last time," I said. "But I wish I could. I promised Mabel I would go trick-or-treating. But then Wendy came along and invited me to this party with her friends."

I showed her the flyer.

"You should definitely go to this," she said. "See that: 'Not S+P approved'? That's teen code in these parts for 'Bottles will be spun'. They're going to play kissing games."

I blushed. "I have to be there. Wendy invited me and I can't let her down."

"So, what are you going to do? Tell Mabel the truth, or make a clone?"

"I was thinking about pretending to be sick," I said.

"And disappoint your sister? Come on, let's both use the copier."

"All right," I said. "It's worth it."

* * *

I hid in the attic bedroom while the new Tyrone put on my peanut butter jar costume.

"I'm not making more clones this time," I told him. "So we're evenly matched. No funny business."

"Hey, I'm you. You can trust me," Tyrone said.

"That didn't stop you last time," I said.

"That was you before; this is you now, and you know I know better," said Tyrone.

He went down to show the costume to Mabel, Candy, Grenda, and Pacifica. (He was paler than me, but I hoped that wouldn't show up too much. The costume wasn't a copy, so it was in full color.)

* * *

After they left, there was a knock on the door and I answered it. It was a tall, shadowy guy with broad shoulders.

"Trick or Treat," said the figure.

I said, "Dude, really? You're a little old for this, man. Sorry."

I tried to close the door on him, but he pushed into the room.

"What are you doing! Get out!" I demanded.

"Silence! You have insulted me! For this you must pay...with your LIFE," the figure said. He revealed a small yellow mask over a dark blob of a face.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Do you expect me to take you seriously with a silly mask like that?"

The figure picked me up and tossed me into its mouth. Sweet-smelling stuff pressed in all around me, nearly smothering me. Then the being spit me back out again on the floor.

I realized I was in the presence of a monster: the Summerween Trickster.

"That was a warning. There's only one way for you to avoid that fate. I need a treat. If you can collect 500 pieces of candy, and bring it to me before the last jack-o-melon goes out... I will let you live."

The Trickster picked up a jack-o-melon and blew out the candle to illustrate.

"Five hundred treats in one night? That's impossible!" I said. "I'm not even trick-or-treating tonight."

"The choice is yours, child. You must trick-or-treat... Or DIE!" The Trickster gave an evil laugh, crawled up unto the roof, and disappeared.

What was I going to do? I could call Mabel and the others, admit my deception, and beg them to help me collect all that candy. I would miss the party with Wendy. I would rather die... almost. The trouble was that I would die, in the belly of a monster, if I didn't.

I had another idea. Maybe I could get all the candy I needed at one stop, pay off the Summerween Trickster, and still make the party. I had Cousin Pacifica's home phone number; I gave it a call.

Their butler answered, "Northwest residence. Who is calling, please?"

"May I speak to Pacifica? This is her cousin, Dipper Pines."

"Miss Pacifica is engaged at the moment," said the butler.

"Please, it's urgent," I said. "It's about the party."

"Very well, I will get her for you momentarily," said the butler.

Soon Pacifica's clone was on the line. "Hello, Dipper. What's going on?"

"Hi Acificap," I said (we had agreed to call her that as a private code name). "I've got a monster emergency. If I don't give it 500 pieces of Summerween candy, it's going to eat me."

"Sounds like one of your typical problems," said Acificap. "We have tons of candy here for the party."

"Good, that's what I was hoping," I said. "I'll come up and get 500 pieces right away. Then I can still make Tamry's party with Wendy."

"You'd better think of a back-up plan in case the monster isn't satisfied," said Acificap. "We have a good anti-burglar system that might help."

We discussed back-up plans for a few more minutes before I hung up.

* * *

The Northwests lived up in a big mansion high on a hill overlooking Gravity Falls. I took the Mystery Cart up there. The butler met me at the door with a huge bag of candy.

"Here you are, Mr. Pines," he said stiffly. "Miss Pacifica has approved for you to get this: five hundred pieces of candy, exactly."

He stared at me as if he thought my presence detracted from the party atmosphere. I took the candy and backed off as he shut the door.

"All right, Summerween Trickster," I called. "I have your candy."

The Trickster glided into view from the bushes. "Give it to me!"

I threw the bag to the Trickster. It absorbed the candy and got a bit larger. It morphed until it looked like a giant spider instead of a man.

"Now I've met your condition, so you have to leave me alone," I said.

"You cheated," said the monster. "That was not in the true spirit of Summerween. So... I think I'll eat you after all."

"That's what you think," I said. "We were prepared for your breaking the deal."

Acificap came around the corner of the house, piloting a giant mecha.

"This is our house Jaeger, monster!" she called. She slammed one fist into it after another, breaking the monster apart.

I picked up one of the pieces. "Just as I suspected, it's made of candy. Have your guests come out and eat it before it pulls back together."

The doors swung open and high-society guests poured out. They picked up the pieces as Acficap kept the monster from getting back together with further blows as necessary.

"Stale inexpensive Summerween candy," said one woman. "How delightfully decadent."

"I have never tasted such candy varieties," said a man. "Gummy Chairs, Count Discount Chocolates, and Mr. Adequate Bar. I feel like I'm slumming, and I love it."

Some candy near me reformed into a face, with candy-corn tears leaking from its eyes.

"I'm made of all the rejected candies that children would never eat. All I've ever wanted is for someone to say that I was... good. I'm so happy!"

The guest grabbed up handfuls of the candy and went back inside.

"Thanks, Acificap," I said. "I'll get going to the party now."

"Not so fast," said Acificap. "You're coming with me."

One of the giant mecha hands grabbed me and the machine headed off down the hill in a run.

"Wait! No! What are you doing?" I cried out.

"The Trickster isn't the only reject who wants revenge," Acificap said.

* * *

The mecha soon tracked down Mabel's group of trick-or-treaters. I think Acificap had called beforehand and got their location.

"You, Pacifica!" she called. "You created me tonight as a throw-away copy to run your party for you. Would you like that if you were me? I'm going to get rid of you and all these inconvenient witnesses, then take your place."

"No!" Pacifica cried in fear. Candy and Grenda also cried out and hugged each other.

"What about me?" Tyrone asked. "Are you going to eliminate me too?"

"You're in the same boat as me, Tyrone," said Pacifica. "I'll crush your original and you can take his place."

"I knew you were a copier clone!" Mabel said. "You'd better save my brother, so I can kill him for ditching me."

"Acifcap, you don't want to do this," said Tyrone. "We clones can't take the place of our originals. We're vulnerable to water. It melts us."

"At home they'd expect me to take baths, and eat and drink with the family," said Acificap slowly. "I guess... I'm doomed to a very short life."

"Not necessarily. We're like the wax figures, except their vulnerability is heat. As long as we stay away from our weakness we can last for years and years."

"I don't know if I want to," said Acificap. "I'll be all alone, with no family or friends."

"I feel the same, but we can be there for each other," said Tyrone.

Acificap opened the mecha's hand and dropped me, then picked up Tyrone instead.

"I'll let you know where you can pick up the Jaeger, Pacifica," Acificap said. "Right now I need it to get us far away, just in case you try to have us melted."

Pacifica said, "Yes, you'd better run. I'm sorry I didn't think about how I'd feel if I were you, but you understand how you'd feel now if you were me."

Acificap said, "Right. Because I am you. Bye, Pacifica."

"Bye, Dipper," said Tyrone.

"Bye, Tyrone," I said. "Take care."

The mecha went running off and soon disappeared over a hill.

* * *

It was a happy ending for the clones, but not for me. Mabel was furious.

"It was almost our last chance to go trick-or-treating together," she told me. "You ditched me and tried to trick me with a clone. I didn't want to make him feel bad, so I let him come along, but you..."

"I got invited to a party by Wendy... I want more time with her," I said.

"You know it'll never work. A nice day at the fair doesn't mean a long-term relationship."

"It could..." I said, but I knew I was trying to fool myself.

"Well, go on to your stupid party then," said Mabel with tears in her eyes. "See if I care."

Pacifica spoke up. "I'm partly to blame. I wanted a clone to take over my responsibilities so I could have fun with you, and I persuaded him to make one, too."

Mabel said, "You did the right thing. The real you put having fun with us first."

Pacifica said, "I tricked my family, like Dipper tried to trick you. If you think I did right..."

"Well, maybe I can forgive you, Dipper," Mabel said slowly. "If you give up the party and spend the rest of the evening with us."

"All right," I said. "Wendy... well, she's probably out of my league anyway. You and I have to be able to live with each other or our summer is shot. "

"You know, if your clone and Pacifica's clone can end up together, then maybe..." said Mabel.

"We're cousins," said Pacifica quickly. "Let's not go there."


	8. Boss Pacifica

**Pacifica ******

One thing I don't like about hanging out with my California cousins is spending time in the Mystery Shack, the crummiest business in town.

Mabel was running the register at the Mystery Shack while Dipper was occupied with being a "wolf boy" for the crowd. I admit watching Dipper dance was amusing. I even threw him some money myself.

"Behold! Mystery Shack bumper stickers! You can stick them on your bumper, or over your husband's mouth. Am I right, ladies? She knows what I'm talking about!" said Mabel.

"Oh! You are bad! How much?" asked a woman customer.

Mabel said, "Hey, it's on the house. That's the Mabel difference!"

Stan Pines came out from behind a cardboard cutout of himself. Angry with her for giving away merchandise, he took her off cash-register duty.

"But, but..." stammered Mabel.

"No buts, except yours out the door," said Stan. "Now shut your yap and get to work."

"Grunkle Stan, whatever happened to 'please' and 'thank you'? Hmm? Oh wait. Here they are!"

Mabel stuck stickers with those words on Stan's face. He transferred "Please" to the cash-register and "Thank You" to Soos' back.

"'Please' never made me any money, kid. In fact, just saying the word gives me a burning sensation," said Stan.

Dipper came up to the counter and complained about his itchy wolf boy costume. "I think I'm getting hookworm."

"Yep. Gluing dog hair to your body will do that," said Stan.

Dipper and Mabel agreed that Stan should look for real attractions instead of fake ones, and that he should be nicer to the employees.

"Look, you guys have a problem the way I run the Shack, take it up with the complaint department," said Stan, offering a trash can.

Grabbing a piece of paper, Mabel said, "I'm going to write them such a letter."

Stan snorted and walked off.

I said, "You know there isn't a real complaint department, right?"

Mabel said, "Of course I do. I wanted to spoil his sarcasm."

Dipper said, "The funny thing is, you're writing with your left hand."

Mabel instantly scribbled out what she was writing before, then scrawled: "I'm pretending to write something."

She showed the note to us. "See, pretending to write with my left hand was all part of the joke."

It felt like she was trying to put something over on us. Maybe she really had believed in the complaint department and was trying to cover her mistake. I can never underestimate the goofiness of my cousin Mabel. But it's fun, most of the time.

Soon after that, Stan ordered all his employees onto the roof to paint glitter on his sign. I certainly wasn't going up there, so I went home.

* * *

That afternoon, I got a call from Dipper, "Pacifica, please come back over. Mabel's got herself into a sucker bet with Stan and we're going to need your help."

I sighed. Whatever would they do without me? I went over there to get the story out of Mabel.

"The workers got talking on the roof, and I found out that Grunkle Stan nixed a really good idea Soos had to be Questiony the Question Mark of the Mystery Shack. I went to complain to him," said Mabel.

"What happened then?" I asked.

"We ended up making a bet," said Mabel. "I have three days to run the Mystery Shack while Grunkle Stan goes on vacation. If he earns more money on his vacation than I do here, then I have to wear a shirt that says 'Loser' for the rest of the summer. If I win, he has to sing an apology song and do a dance, and I get to run the Shack for the rest of the summer."

"I'll help," I said. "If you have to wear a 'Loser' shirt my parents won't let me hang out with you any more. The Northwests have a total aversion to losing."

"This is going to be easy," said Mabel. "I've written an inspiring speech that will make everyone more productive. As for Grunkle Stan, how much money can he earn on vacation, anyway?"

"If he proposed the bet, he has a plan to win," I said.

"That's what I told her," said Dipper. "It's a bad idea to make a bet with a con man. But I have an edge he doesn't know about, a... a sort of guide book to the mysteries of Gravity Falls. I'll use that to find a real exhibit for the Shack that will be a super money-maker."

"You found that shrink ray," I said. "If you can find something as amazing as that again, I say go for it."

"Yay!" said Mabel. "We're sure to win with my inspiration, Dipper's brains, and your... um..."

"Business cunning," I said. "I'm not the daughter of the mud-flap king of Gravity Falls for nothing."

"Your dad makes his money selling mud flaps?" Dipper asked.

"Northwest Mud Flaps are world famous," I said. "My father has many other lines of business, but that was his first and most successful."

* * *

We soon learned that Stan had got himself on as a contestant on Cash Wheel and he was raking in thousands of dollars in cash showers and cash floods.

Meanwhile, everything was going wrong at the Shack. The Soos Questiony suit was too revealing and scared customers away. Wendy got to have her friends in the Shack, but they just messed things up and customers got hurt. Dipper brought in a real Gremoblin, but its powers of making people see their worst nightmares had driven two customers insane.

Dipper listened to me when I warned him to read every word in his guidebook about the monster to make sure nothing else went wrong, but Mabel refused to heed my advice about treating the employees like dirt. She kept saying that empowering the workers, being nice to them, and giving them stickers was the only way.

By the third day, Mabel was exhausted and I had taken over the cash register. She was overworking herself, since Wendy and Soos had been given time off. Then she made another bad mistake: she gave the Gremoblin a key for a five-minute break, and soon it was out wrecking the store. We hid and discussed our options.

"What'll we do?" Mabel asked us. "He's awarding himself stickers he didn't even earn."

Dipper got out his book, and said, "We can't use water..."

Mabel grabbed a glass of water and ran to throw it over the Gremoblin with her left hand.

I tackled her, spilling the glass. "Wait, Mabel. He said we can't use water."

"Oh sorry, I heard wrong," said Mabel.

"Its gaze shows people their worst fears," said Dipper. "If we let it see itself in a mirror..."

"Let's get the big mirror that's upstairs in your bedroom," I suggested.

It took all three of us to carry the mirror downstairs. A few times I caught of glimpse of Mabel reflected in the mirror. There was something odd about her reflection, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

When we came back into the gift shop, we found the monster fascinated by making the talking fish say: "I'm da singin' salmon, spendin' all day jammin' ".

We sneaked up close to the Gremoblin while it was occupied, and almost had the mirror in place when Mabel yelled out, "Hey Gremoblin, look at this!"

The Gremoblin fixed its eyes on her, and she froze. The monster came for her, but Dipper and I ran forward with the mirror and showed the Gremoblin its own reflection.

It moaned, "You've become your father" and ran away, making a small hole in the wall.

"Well, at least it didn't do that much damage," said Dipper, as the monster ran into a totem pole, and the top of the pole fell off onto a tourist's car.

Dipper and I worked hard that afternoon to make up for the damage, but Mabel seemed pretty out of it, probably from the Gremoblin's fear stare. When Soos and Wendy came back with lame excuses about why they shouldn't work any more that day, I said, "Sure, take the day off. In fact, take the week off, or a month off, or a year, or forever."

"Gee, that's nice of you, Pacifica," said Soos. "I'll take a month off to, like, get to know my new wolf pack."

"I was being sarcastic!" I snapped. "What I meant was, get your butts back to work or you're fired!"

We finished with a modest profit, but I knew Stan had earned much more from his game show. Unless we pulled some kind of trick... so I called my folks.

* * *

Stan Pines was about to guess a word on Cash Wheel when the host interrupted.

"Just a moment, Stan, before you guess a word to double your $300,000 winnings or lose them all," said Rich, the show host. "We have a special family moment, brought to you by Chipackers, the chip flavored crackers! The man who owns Chipackers is Preston Northwest, famous for Northwest Mud Flaps. His daughter is with your grand niece and nephew right now, and you can see them all on this live video monitor, cheering you on."

The TV cameras were pointed at us as we stood behind the cash register counter of the Mystery Shack. We could see and hear Stan through a monitor placed off to the side.

"Hah!" said Stan. "Mabel, get ready to wear that 'Loser' shirt for the rest of the summer. I might have guessed the wrong word, but the sight of the back of the cash register reminded me."

"Oh-oh," I thought. I had only one chance to rattle him.

"Congratulations, Mr. Pines," I said. "I'll have my family recommend a good tax accountant for you."

"Huh? Tax accountant?" said Stan.

"Yes, winning a large sum of money on national television is a sure ticket for getting audited by the IRS," I said. "They'll probably want to check your taxes for the last five years."

"Oh," said Stan. "I see."

"Ready to guess the word, Mr. Pines?" said Rich. "Remember, it's a six-letter word used to ask for things politely."

"Do I look like an idiot, folks? The word is "gimmee." Two E's," said Stan.

"Oooh! You know, because you've gone this far, We're gonna give you one more chance. Let's try again. It's a 'P' Word. Some might even say it's the magic word."

"Abracadabra! Final answer!" said Stan.

"I'm sorry," said Rich. "The word was... please."

After the TV crew cleared out, I gave the girl beside me a hard look.

"I know who you really are," I said. "You're Mabel's evil mirror twin, Lebam. You've been trying to make Mabel lose the bet."

"What are you talking about, Pacifica? Of course I'm the real Mabel," she said.

I grabbed Stan's hat from the rack and jammed it on her head, then turned her to face the mirror. As I suspected, the reflection was wrong. The symbol on Stan's hat in the reflection pointed the same way in the mirror as it did when I looked at it directly. Lebam's hairstyle wasn't reversed in the mirror, either. The long bang that nearly covered her right eye was over the right eye of the reflection, too.

"Lebam!" said Dipper. "What have you done with my sister?"

"She's all right," said Lebam. "A group of little people is holding her hostage for me."

"The gnomes!" said Dipper. "If they've hurt her, forced her to marry them, I'll... I'll lock you in the Gremoblin's cage as a new exhibit, with a mirror beside you to prove you're a doppelganger."

"Relax, sort-of-bro, it's not the gnomes," said Lebam. "It's another group of little people. Cute, harmless ones with heads like golf balls. But they won't release Mabel unless I tell them, so you'd better treat me nice."

"Come with us right now," I said. "We're going to rescue Mabel from your little monster friends."


	9. Meany Golf

**Lebam**

I was in so much trouble. Dipper had a rope tied around my waist when we arrived at Ye Royal Discount Putt Hutt in the Mystery Shack golf cart. Dipper and Pacifica were looking at me with such hatred that it was hard to face them.

"Try to understand," I said. "All I wanted was for Mabel to lose the bet with Stan and have to wear a 'Loser' T-shirt for the rest of the summer. I thought that might make Gideon forget about her and turn to me..."

"You don't have to explain yourself," said Pacifica. "You're an evil monster."

"Just talk to your monster buddies and get Mabel back for us," said Dipper.

They found a loose board and we all squeezed into the closed mini-golf course.

"Hey Lilliputtians, it's me, Lebam," I called. "You can come out now."

The cute little guys with golf-ball heads came out from every obstacle in the course: Dutch, French, knights, pirates, cowboys, miners, South-Sea islanders, and more.

"I want you to let Mabel go," I told them.

The leader of the Dutch, named Franz, said, "You are obviously under duress."

The Pirate King said, "Aye, and our condition for keepin' your rival a captive was that ye decide which of our tribes is the best, so we can finally stop our endless war. How can ye do that now?"

The King of the knights said, "We will subdue these varlets for you."

"I'd love that, guys," I told them. "If you free me and hold them back, I'll make my decision and then leave. Then you can let them all go an hour later, including Mabel."

Franz said, "I'd bet you'd like it ever better if we killed your rival and her friends for you. Right?"

The Lilliputtians drew sharp stubby pencils and prepared to swarm Dipper and Pacifica.

"No!" I said. "I don't want to be responsible for killing anyone!"

"Hold on," said Pacifica. "Why should you listen to her decision about who's best? It's not like she knows anything about miniature golf. I'm an expert, and I would make a better judge between you than her."

The Lilliputtians muttered among themselves. It seemed like they were getting swayed, and I was going to be the one in trouble in a second.

"I do so know mini-golf!" I said. "I have all the memories of Mabel, and she's been a mini-golf champion from age nine."

"And I was trained by Sergei, an Olympic gold medalist in mini-golf," said Pacifica.

"Is that really an Olympic event?" I asked.

"There is one way to settle this," said Franz. "You two must play a match. Whoever wins will be our judge, and she can decide the fate of the loser's team."

"Go for it, Pacifica," said Dipper. "Mabel and I are counting on you."

"You're going down," I told Pacifica. "Not only do I have the golf memories and skills of Mabel, but I was cloned partly from Mabel's hair and partly from llama hair. I have the superior strength and reflexes of a llama."

The Lilliputtians brought us clubs and golf balls, and we began at the Hole 1, the cowboy's hole. My first shot wasn't as good as I hoped. It looked like it was going to be short.

Pacifica sneered, "I guess llamas aren't such good golfers after all."

But the cowboys seemed to want to win my favor, and they cheated for me to make a hole-in-one by bumping the ball from below the mat and firing a shot to drive the ball in.

"Hey you guys! If you cheat how are you going to get the best judge?" said Pacifica.

After that they let us play without interference, more or less. Every now and then one of them would yell, "We control the ball!" and do something to mess up either my shot or Pacifica's shot.

"Don't worry," Dipper told me. "We won't let them kill you if you lose, and I know you'll do the same for us if you can."

"She doesn't deserve to go free," said Pacifica. "Maybe we should put her on exhibit in a cage in the Mystery Shack, like you said before."

I was desperate, and I played as hard as I could. Pacifica was extremely good, but my llama reflexes were making up the difference (and I think some of the Lilliputtians were still cheating for me, since I was their original ally).

Our scores were tied as we reached the final bonus hole, the volcano hole.

"There's no possible cheating on this hole," said Pacifica. "It's an all-or-nothing aimed shot, and I always make the volcano explode with flames."

She was swinging back her club when I finally realized something. I leaped into her, pushing her over so the shot went wild.

"Interference!" Pacifica shouted. "You forfeit the game."

"Fine, I forfeit," I said. "Mabel is in the volcano and you would have killed her."

Dipper tore up the slope of the fake volcano and pulled Mabel out of the hole at the top. She had been bound and gagged, but my llama hearing had picked up a muffled moan in the nick of time.

"Why did you spoil our trick, Lebam?" said Franz. "Your rival would have died, and not by your hand, just like you wanted."

"I'm not like you," I said. "I'm a failure as an evil monster."

"You win, lassie," the Pirate King called to Pacifica. "Judge between us as ye promised."

"I said I would be a better judge, but I didn't promise to do it," said Pacifica. "As far as I'm concerned you deserve to be at war forever."

"Sacre Boo! We will kill you all!" said the French leader.

They came at us. Pacifica and I stood back to back and putted the little creatures away until we had cleared the space around us.

"Run up the volcano!" I shouted.

Our longer strides got us to the top faster than the Lilliputtians could follow. By this time Dipper had untied Mabel, but the monsters swarmed up the slope from every side, scoring pencils gripped in their mouths as weapons. The pirates and knights wielded swords and axes.

"We're trapped!" said Dipper.

"Trust me," I said. "Llamas are good at leaping around on mountains. Get on my back."

With Dipper on my back, Pacifica under one arm, and Mabel under the other, I made the leap of my life from the top of the volcano to the wall enclosing the golf course grounds. Then I jumped down to the ground on the other side.

Pencils and a thrown axe pierced the locked wooden door. "Stay out, you dumb hugelings!"

"What did you say, you little trolls?" said Pacifica. "I will sue you and I will own you!"

Mabel coughed, and said. "Let it go, Pacifica. Lebam got us all out alive. I don't want her in trouble."

"You don't? You forgive me?" I asked Mabel.

"I forgive you, sister," said Mabel. "If I were alone like you, with nobody but Gideon, I might do the same."

"I guess I know how desperate a clone can be," Pacifica said. "I had my own experience with an angry clone of me."

Mabel hugged me, and I started to cry.

"I – I don't think I can go back to Gideon, after this," I said. "I've failed him too many times. He'll kill me. I'll get out of town and start a new life somewhere else."

"You could stay with us, and share my life," said Mabel. "We can switch places and fool Grunkle Stan. It'll be super-duper fun."

"I love super-duper fun," I said. "But..."

"I don't think that's a good idea, sis," said Dipper. "It's too small a place to hide a second copy of you. Grunkle Stan would find out and then he'd put Lebam on display."

"I'll just go," I said. "I'll find some way to live on my own."

"You could stay with me," said Pacifica. "I have a huge mansion to hide you in, and if anyone spots you, you'll just be Cousin Mabel over for a visit."

"You'd do that for me? After everything I did?" I asked.

"I believe in keeping friends close and enemies closer," said Pacifica. "You haven't won your way to friend status yet, but you did prove you're not that bad for a monster."

Mabel and Dipper dropped me and Pacifica off at her house.

"Why are you really doing this?" I asked Pacifica. "I don't believe it's from the goodness of your heart. I'm not going to be some kind of plaything for you, am I?"

"No," said Pacifica. "I need someone with me to protect me from the ghost."


	10. Northwest Passages

**Pacifica**

_"Why are you really doing this?" Lebam asked me. "I don't believe it's from the goodness of your heart. I'm not going to be some kind of plaything for you, am I?"_

_"No," I said. "I need someone with me to protect me from the ghost."_

"What ghost?" asked Lebam.

"There's a family story, handed down from generations ago, about this insane lumberjack ghost who hates the Northwests. He's due to return this year, 150 years after his death," I said.

"So you don't really know if there's going to be a ghost?" Lebam asked. "It's just a legend?"

"My parents seem convinced something will happen, at least Mother is convinced more than Father," I said. "The curse was written down: _"And so I say with my final breath, in 150 years I'll return from death. And if the gate's still closed to town, wealthy blood will stain the ground."_

"What's that part about the gate being closed to town?" Lebam asked.

"Something to do with the big party we throw every year, the Northwest Fest," I said. "That's in a couple of weeks from now. We have a high-quality guest list of millionaires and billionaires. I think the ghost wants us to invite in common folk, which we're never going to do."

"If you don't, the ghost is threatening to kill you," Lebam said. "You should really think about it."

"Like you said, nothing may happen at all," I said. "If it does, we'll get someone to deal with the ghost."

"Then why do you need me?" asked Lebam.

"Just in case the ghost shows up some night and tries to kill us in our sleep," I said. "You've got great hearing, you're strong and fast, and you're not a Northwest."

"I don't mind being a bodyguard for a roof over my head," said Lebam. "But that's all."

"That's all I'm asking for," I said.

"There's a reason I asked about being a plaything," said Lebam. "I can scent hormones, and it seems like you've been attracted to me all through the day, even before you knew I wasn't Mabel. Am I right?"

"Don't try to read my mind with your monster senses," I said. "I'm not attracted to you."

I did like her, in a way. Lebam was as beautiful as Mabel, but without the constant goofiness that could get annoying after a while. She had a different scent too, just like Mabel but with a hint of the llama sweater that Mabel gave me which I treasured in my closet but never wore. But I wasn't going to admit my feelings to her, not now.

We entered the main gates, and went past the fountain. The statue of me that they sometimes put in the fountain basin wasn't out, but I wasn't really expecting it because I wasn't returning home from a great triumph. I was sneaking in after being out late. It was all right. My parents were still off at some society event and the servants wouldn't dare to talk.

Lebam said, "If I ever thought about a relationship with you or with anyone, I couldn't do it as I am now. I'm not anyone's equal. I have no rights and no identity."

"If you need your own identity maybe I can help," I said, "Documents can be forged for a price. My family has done it before for illegal aliens with skills we needed."

"I'd be so grateful if you could do that," said Lebam. "You don't know what it's like, to be just a copy. I don't have a right to anything Mabel has. No family, no friends, no stuff, not even a social security number. I came into being with a copy of Mabel's memories up to the moment Gideon got a hair sample from her. I was happy for less than a minute, before Gideon told me I was a mirror clone, that I belonged to him and had to obey him, and that he didn't even want me because Mabel was the real thing and I was only second best."

"I once made a paper clone that reacted badly," I said. "I can imagine how it must feel."

"You can't," Lebam said. "I hope you never have to go through that, finding out everything you thought you knew was a lie, that the whole basis for your identity was false."

We sneaked quietly up the stairs in the main hall, under the big family portrait with a me at about five with a big red bow in my hair.

"You know, I've never seen you wear a bow like that," said Lebam. "You look cute that way."

"My parents don't allow that any more," I said. "It's unfashionable to have unsymmetrical hair styles or ornaments."

"Really? I've never heard that one," said Lebam.

"Well, your fashion ideas come from Mabel's memories, and she's not up on the latest things like that," I said.

"You ought to try being unsymmetrical some time," said Lebam. "You might be surprised at how good it looks."

"I wouldn't dare," I said. "My parents..."

"Why are you so afraid of your parents?" Lebam asked.

"They have this bell, and every time they ring it I know they don't approve and I have to do what they say immediately."

"They really have you trained, don't they?" Lebam said.

I nodded.

By this time we had reached my room, and we slipped inside, still without anyone noticing us.

"It's funny how Mabel gave you a llama sweater and put us into competition for the same position on the Wheel," Lebam said. "She's very perceptive, sometimes."

"You have to explain that Wheel thing. One time you said the Llama is destined to be with Gideon," I said.

"There was a triangular demon who spoke to me in a dream and told me that," Lebam said. "It's too late to go into details now. I'll tell you tomorrow after a good rest."

"You can sleep on the couch on the side of my room," I offered.

"There's plenty of room in your big bed, if you don't mind," said Lebam. "I'm not offering to do anything, you know. But I'll be right there in case any ghost comes along."

For some reason I had started to feel relaxed and comfortable with her. I let her share my bed.

Late in the night I turned over and a found a note on her pillow. It said, "I have an idea I need to check out. We may have a lot more in common than you think. Back soon."

I waited up for a while, but she didn't return. I went back to sleep.

In the morning Lebam was still gone. I called Dipper at the Mystery Shack and asked if he had heard from her.

"Lebam came here late last night," said Dipper. "It was weird. She had forgotten everything from the moment she was cloned from Mabel. She woke me and said there was a copy of her in her bed. She'd even forgotten she was the copy."


	11. Secret Sister

**Mabel**

_"Lebam came here late last night," said Dipper, on the phone to Pacifica. "It was weird. She had forgotten everything from the moment she was cloned from Mabel. She woke me and said there was a copy of her in her bed. She'd even forgotten she was the copy."_

I was sitting by Dipper on his bed. I had let Lebam sleep in my bed last night, and she was still asleep there now.

Dipper tried to explain more to Pacifica, and asked her some questions. None of us had any idea how Lebam could have lost her memories.

It was sort of good. Without the memories of horrible things that Gideon had made her do while she was his slave, maybe she'd be happier, more like me and less like an evil double. She could be the twin sister I sometimes wished Dipper had been instead of a boy.

Dipper ended the call.

"How did it happen?" I asked.

"Cousin Pacifica says that Lebam left her room in the middle of the night. She read me the note Lebam left: _'I have an idea I need to check out. We may have a lot more in common than you think. Back soon.'_ That's all we have to go on."

"I wonder what her idea was," I said.

"I don't know, and now Lebam can't tell us," said Dipper. "She may have run into a monster with the power to wipe her mind. I'll check the Journal for ideas. Or maybe she was caught by someone in the Northwest mansion and they did it with drugs, or hypnosis, or whatever."

"You think it happened there in the house? That maybe Pacifica?... No! I don't believe it. Sure, Pacifica was mad at Lebam for kidnapping me and nearly getting me killed. I was, too. But she wouldn't go that far."

"The Northwests are high on my suspect list," said Dipper. "But not Pacifica. She's proved herself as a good cousin."

"We can't let Lebam go back there," I said. "Just in case."

"I guess not," said Dipper. "But where can she stay?"

"She can stay in our curtained-off closet," I said, pointing across the room.

"It's a tiny space," said Dipper.

"It may look small from the outside, but you told me you once had nine or ten clones standing around in there with room to spare," I said. "And there's another whole closet off of that, in case someone comes in here and she needs to hide."

"It's full of junk," said Dipper.

"Not that much," I said. "We'll clean out as much as we can into a big box to throw out. Grunkle Stan said we were going throw a bunch of stuff we don't need into the Bottomless Pit soon."

Dipper said, "A lot of stuff was smashed when I enlarged a chess pawn in there. We can throw that out and make more room. Though I don't believe there's a real Bottomless Pit."

"Let's do it! Make space for our new twin sister!" I said. "Does that make us triplets?"

"She's a doppelganger, not our sister," Dipper said. "Be on your guard and don't forget how dangerous she can be."

"She's not dangerous now," I said. "Her memories are just like mine, up to when Gideon took a sample of my hair during a makeover."

"So she says," said Dipper.

"You're too suspicious. I'm going to treat her like a sister, whether you do or not," I said.

Lebam stirred and woke up.

"Dipper, I had a funny dream," said Lebam. "I dreamed there was a copy of me in our room... Oh! There she is! It wasn't a dream."

"I'm the original and you're the copy," I said. "And don't you forget it."

"How can you tell?" Lebam asked.

"I have up-to-date memories," I said. "And my reflection reverses in the mirror."

I got out a mirror and showed her that the bang of hair over her right eye was still over her right eye in the mirror, and my reflection was the opposite.

"Oh," Lebam said. "I guess I'm the doppelganger, all right."

"Don't worry, you can stay with us until we figure out what to do. Dipper can find a way to return you to your mirror world," I said.

"I'll try," said Dipper. "If there is one."

"Meanwhile, you can share my life," I offered. "We can trade off and tag team. It'll be awesome."

"Yeah," Lebam said with a big smile. "I can get into that."

"Welcome to my life, sister," I said.

"Our life," said Lebam.


	12. Cut Off

**Pacifica**

"Lebam came here late last night," said Dipper. "It was weird. She had forgotten everything from the moment she was cloned from Mabel. She woke me and said there was a copy of her in her bed. She'd even forgotten she was the copy."

"How could that have happened?" I asked.

"I'm wondering if she got caught in your house by your parents, or your servants," said Dipper. "If they thought she was snooping around, they might have done something to her."

"They wouldn't do something like that... Anyway, how could they?"

"I don't know, drugs or hypnosis. Some trick to block her memories," said Dipper.

"Nobody here would have done that," I said, more certainly than I felt.

"What do you think happened?" asked Dipper.

"I think Lebam went out in the woods and met something that did it. Do you know of any monsters that could?" I asked.

"You think there could be a memory-erasing monster? I know vampires can cloud a person's memories, but it's usually only of a bite encounter. I'll check the journal," said Dipper.

"Check her for bite marks," I suggested. "It's strange that her memories went back to the moment she was cloned from Mabel. That seems like magic more than drugs."

"Maybe her mind would have been erased even more completely if her memories from Mabel weren't magic copies. It's like they were restored from backup," said Dipper.

"Well, I hope you get to the bottom of it," I said. "Tell Lebam I hope she gets better soon."

"She doesn't remember you," said Dipper. "Her last memories are from before Mabel ever met you."

I felt a little shock at realizing this. I would have to start over with Lebam. Maybe that was for the best. I said some ugly things to her when she was our enemy.

"Won't she come back and stay here?" I asked.

"I don't think she should," said Dipper. "Just in case."

"I... I suppose so," I said.

My fantasies of Lebam living with me and gradually falling for me were being taken away. I wish I had admitted my feelings to her last night. Maybe she wouldn't have gone, or would have taken me along with her.

* * *

I dressed for breakfast and went to the dining room. Mother was already there at the table. She looked a little cross, and I wondered if I had done anything wrong.

"Pacifica, I need to ask you something," she said.

"Yes, Mother?"

"You wouldn't invite those Pine cousins of yours here without asking permission first, would you?"

Oh-oh. Maybe Lebam was caught here after all.

"No, I wouldn't invite my cousins here without permission," I said (technically telling the truth, since it was Lebam that I invited). "Why do you ask?"

"No particular reason," said Mother. "But I think you should stop visiting them. They come from a low-life family and I think they're a bad influence on you."

"But they're your sister's children, aren't they?" I asked.

"They're the children of the sister of your birth mother, Holly Rackstraw Northwest, who died when you were very young," said Mother. "I come from the Wickermans of Summerisle, not the Rackstraws."

"You're my stepmother? You never told me that before," I said.

"There was never a need before, since you didn't remember her," said my stepmother. "That's why so few people around here know you are related to those Pine twins, other than old Mr. Pines, who told them. That's the way it should be. You need to concentrate on your proud heritage as a Northwest and forget about the lower branch of your background."

This was even worse than losing Lebam. I was going to lose the cousins I was having so much fun with this summer. I would have to go back to the Heathers, and I couldn't stand them any more after Dipper and Mabel.

"But I can't afford to alienate them right now," I said. "We may need Cousin Dipper to help deal with the ghost."

"Why him?"

"He knows about paranormal things. You should have seen him deal with a Gremoblin that got loose in the gift shop," I said.

"I would never wish to see such a thing," said my stepmother. "We can call in a professional to deal with the ghost if we have to."

"You could fly in a professional exorcist, but that would be much more likely to get into the news," I said.

My stepmother thought about it for a moment, then said. "All right, you may continue to cultivate their acquaintance, but you must drop them after the party."

I had bought myself a little more time with my cousins. I would worry about what to do after the party later.

"Then I'm going over to visit them today," I said.

"Tell me how they are doing when you get back," my stepmother said. "And if Mabel... that is, if either one of them is having trouble today then don't bother them for too long."

As the chauffeur drove me over to the Mystery Shack I wondered why she mentioned Mabel having trouble. What kind of trouble? A memory loss?


	13. Truth Teeth

**Lebam**

I stayed in hiding in the bedroom closet all morning. Dipper and the other me brought me some food from breakfast. A cute blonde girl with long hair was with them.

"I'm having a hard time with not really being Mabel," I told them. "It's all new to me."

"You used to know," said Dipper. "Something erased your memory. I wish I knew what."

"Do you remember me?" asked the blonde girl. "I'm Pacifica Northwest, Dipper and Mabel's cousin."

"Hi, Pacifica," I said. "Nice to meet you."

Pacifica looked sad.

"You were sleeping over at my house last night," said Pacifica. "You left while I was asleep. You left a note saying you were going to check something out. And then you ended up back here. Do you remember any of that?"

"It's all a blank," I said.

"You asked me for something last night, for forged documentation for a new identity," Pacifica said. "I want to help."

I took a deep breath as it hit me that I was legally nobody. "I guess... I really need that. I need a new life, and a job."

"You can stay with us, and share my life," said Mabel. "We can switch off and fool Grunkle Stan."

"That might work for a little while, but the end of summer is coming," I said. "There's no way I can go home with you to Piedmont."

"I guess not," said Mabel.

"It's going to be harder to use my family connections to get documents than I thought," said Pacifica. "My mother is putting pressure on me about spending so much time with all of you. She nearly didn't let me come over today."

"Why?" asked Dipper. "We're your cousins."

"Yes, but she thinks of you as social undesirables who are a bad influence on me," said Pacifica.

"Is that what you think?" asked Mabel.

"I like your influence on me," said Pacifica. "I'm having a lot more fun than I ever did before."

"But you won't be able to get me documents?" I asked.

"I had an idea about that," said Pacifica. "Great-Uncle Stan might know a way. He seems to have some shady connections in his background."

"Grunkle Stan acts pretty shady, all right," said Dipper. "But today may not be the best time to ask him about doing something dishonest."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Mabel pulled a dirty trick on him," said Dipper.

Mabel said, "It's a good thing. I've gotten tired of Grunkle Stan lying to everyone. I used Dipper's journal to find some Truth Teeth and I put them in his mouth last night. Now he has to tell the truth."

"It's terrible," said Dipper. "At breakfast he told us he spends his lunch break aggressively scratching himself in places he shouldn't mention. It's more information than I wanted to know."

"I think it's a good time to ask him," said Pacifica. "If he's got any leads on forged identity papers he'll have to tell us."

"May I come with you?" I asked. "I've been cooped up here all morning."

"You go, Lebam," said Mabel. "I'll stay up here."

"This is not a great idea," said Dipper. "Those truth teeth make things complicated."

"Trust me," said Pacifica. "I'll make it work."

* * *

We found Grunkle Stan in his office. "Doin' my taxes," he said.

Pacifica and I looked at the form on his desk. Stan had written "I HAVE COMITTED TAX FRAUD" across it in big red letters.

"Grunkle Stan, why did you write this?" I asked.

"Because I regularly commit massive tax fraud," said Grunkle Stan.

"That form says 2012," said Pacifica. "It's for next year. Taxes are always done for the previous year."

"May as well get a head start," said Grunkle Stan.

I said, "Better not send it in. We don't want you to go to jail, Grunkle Stan."

"The sooner I go to jail and pay my debt to society, the sooner I start living a more honest life," said Grunkle Stan.

"Speaking of fraud," said Pacifica. "Do you know anyone who could make fake identity papers for Mabel and myself, that would make us seem older, like about eighteen?"

"I could do it myself," said Stan. "I've created lots of forged identities. But I don't want you to get Mabel started drinking."

"I'm not planning on drinking anything but Mabel juice," I said.

"Alcohol isn't good for you, honey. Look at me. I've rotted my brain."

"It's not that," I said. "I want to be able to get a job."

"You've got a job here, this summer."

"A paid job," I said.

"I don't want to do it," said Stan. "It would be dishonest."

Pacifica said, "Tell us, why did you create fake identities?"

"I needed some other names for business purposes," said Stan.

"Business purposes, huh? Is your real name even Stanford Pines?" Pacifica asked.

"Everyone in town will tell you that," said Stan.

"But you didn't speak for yourself," said Pacifica. "What do you say your name is?"

"Just a second. There's something funny about my teeth," said Stan.

He took them out of his mouth. "What do you know? Theth are gold. They aren't my real falth teef."

Grunkle Stan fished in his desk drawer and produced a spare pair of dentures, which he put in.

"You knew," said Pacifica. "You took them out because they were forcing you to speak the truth."

"Nonsense, they just didn't feel right," said Stan. "Mabel, did you switch out my teeth?"

"Not me," I said honestly.

"I think you're hiding something, Grunkle Stan" said Pacifica. "But if you make the identity papers for us I won't look into it any further."

"You have the makings of a great criminal mind, young lady," said Stan. "Maybe it runs in the family."

"Only on your side. The Northwests have a great reputation for honesty."

"Really?" asked Stan.

"Everyone in town will tell you that," said Pacifica.

"Right," said Stan.

"About those papers..." said Pacifica.

"I'll do it," said Stan. "Not because of blackmail, you understand. Just because I like your chutzpah."

* * *

We returned to the bedroom.

"Mission accomplished," said Pacifica.

"Great!" said Mabel.

"But the truth teeth are gone," I said.

"Oh!" said Mabel.

"That's a relief," said Dipper.

"I guess it's for the best," said Mabel. "We didn't really want to hear all that embarrassing stuff. Grunkle Stan is entitled to his privacy."

I agreed, and I decided not to say anything about the doubts we had uncovered about Grunkle Stan's past. He deserves his secrets, just like I deserve mine.


End file.
